Can't Let Go - A Contemporary BWWM Romance Read online

  I headed towards my walk-in closet and found a silk nightgown. It was pale lavender and played off my jet black hair perfectly. I stripped down and slipped it on, soon realizing that it was way too sexy and I was probably going to give him the wrong idea. I couldn’t come out wearing what I had on before, so I left it on.

  The moment I stepped out, I reached over to flip off the lights, hoping he didn’t catch too big of a glimpse of my sexy nightgown. I cautiously glanced his way, but it was too late. The look on his face said it all.

  “It was either this or some ratty old pajama pants,” I said with a coy smile. “I need to do laundry.”

  He was already in my bed, snuggled under the covers and waiting for me. I climbed in next to him as he held the covers open and curled up under his arm.

  “A girl could get used to this,” I said. “No more walking up cold in the middle of the night.”

  “Nice disclaimer,” he laughed.

  I nuzzled my nose onto his smooth chest. He smelled like Irish Spring soap and some sort of musky aftershave. I ran my fingers over his chest, tracing every rippled muscle. I’d never realized before what an amazing body he had. He was lean, like a runner, but every inch of him had definition.

  My eyes were growing heavy, and as much as I wanted to stay up all night long and cuddle and chat, I couldn’t fight it a minute longer. I had to get up early for work the next morning.

  For the first time in years, I woke up before my alarm went off. I reached over to shut it off so it wouldn’t disturb Kevin a half hour later when the world’s most annoying beeps and buzzes would start blaring from its speakers.

  Kevin looked so peaceful bathed in the tiny bit of light peeking through the curtains. I thought about watching him sleep for a bit, but if he caught me, I’d look like the biggest creep.

  I slipped out from the covers as gently as possible, not wanting to wake him, and tiptoed down the hall and towards the kitchen. With my extra half hour, I’d decided to make him a nice little breakfast in bed. I missed having someone to do those things for.

  I tried to be quiet as I pulled out pans and various ingredients, but a rogue clink or clang escaped a few times. I whipped up some fluffy scrambled eggs, buttered some whole grain toast, and microwaved some ready-made bacon. It was going to have to be good enough. I poured a small glass of orange juice and put everything on a cute little breakfast tray.

  I carried the tray down the hallway, careful not to spill anything, and gently kicked the door open with my toes.

  Kevin was still asleep, and it was not quite seven. I didn’t know what time he normally went into work, but I was sure if he had to be somewhere, he’d probably have set the alarm on his phone.

  “Good morning,” I whispered.

  He stirred a bit before taking a deep breath and opening his eyes. He looked around the room for a second as his brain processed where he was and then sat up in bed.

  “What’s this?” he asked.

  “Breakfast…” I replied as I rolled my eyes. “Please tell me you eat breakfast.”

  I sat the tray down on the bed next to him and he sat frozen. He didn’t touch any of it. He didn’t even seem excited by it.

  “What time is it?” he asked as he rubbed his eyes.

  “Now it’s almost seven,” I replied. “I need to hop in the shower—”

  “Almost seven?!” He suddenly sprung alive as he jumped out of bed and began to gather up his clothes from the floor. He stepped into his jeans and threw his shirt over his head. “Shit. Shit.”

  “What?” I asked, perplexed.

  “I’ve got to go,” he said. “Sorry. I can’t stick around.”

  I looked down at the untouched breakfast tray and then watched as he scrambled to get out the door. It was like he couldn’t get out of there fast enough.

  CHAPTER 14

  By the time I got to work, I was still trying to wrap my head around Kevin’s odd behavior. He really couldn’t stay for a few bites of breakfast? If he was already running late, what was another five or ten minutes?

  I stared at the massive bouquet of flowers from the day before. They served as a sweet reminder of the Kevin of yesterday. I was quickly realizing that there were many facets to that man, and I wondered if I was ever going to be able to keep up with all of his little personality quirks.

  I fired up my computer and checked my email. A small buzzing sound came from my purse after a few minutes. I ignored it as I tried to immerse myself in work. I had an unusually high number of emails to tend to that morning, thank goodness, and a staff meeting scheduled for ten.

  Managing to go the entire morning without checking my phone, I emerged from the staff meeting with a rumbling tummy and an urge to finally check it. Besides, I needed to look up a number to my favorite sub shop so they could deliver me some lunch. I was going to work through lunch that day. I wanted to be as distracted from my personal life as possible.

  I pulled out my phone and saw the little red icon next to my text messages telling me I had an unread message. It called to me. It beckoned me to push it and to see who it was from.LaLa

  Quickly losing all self-control, I pressed the icon to read the message. It was from Kevin.

  SORRY ABOUT EARLIER. CAN I BUY YOU LUNCH TO MAKE UP FOR IT?

  All the anger and confusion I’d felt towards him that morning dissipated as soon as I saw his text. I was sure he had a perfectly logical explanation for running out like that, and I intended on getting it from him.

  He’d sent the message around nine that morning. I’d made him wait almost three hours inadvertently, so I quickly typed up a response.

  SURE. WHERE?

  It only took a few seconds to get a response.

  MANGIAMO’S ON 5TH.

  Mangiamo’s was a little Italian deli. Kevin and his Italian places. It was just up the street from my office, so at least it was convenient.

  WHEN?

  He replied instantly.

  NOW?

  A plume of butterflies rose in my stomach. This whole thing with Kevin, whatever it was, was like one giant rollercoaster, but he always seemed to pull through when I least expected it. His timing was remarkable.

  I texted him back that I was on my way, grabbed my purse, and locked up my desk. Within five minutes, I was standing outside of Mangiamo’s waiting for him. I stood for about ten minutes before my feet began to ache in my shoes and I took refuge on a nearby empty bench.

  “Hey,” I heard him say as he walked up. “Sorry I’m a little late. Got caught up in traffic.”

  “It’s okay,” I said.

  He stood nervously for a moment before leaning in and kissing my mouth. It was just an innocent peck, but I was happy to receive it. He was a perfect gentleman, and I suddenly appreciated the fact that he didn’t try anything funny the night before in my bed. He definitely could’ve used that situation to his full advantage.

  We approached the counter, ordered our meals, and found an empty table.

  “So what’s this about?” I asked him as we sat down. “Why the impromptu lunch?”

  “I felt bad about this morning,” he sighed as he hunched over and rested his elbows on the table. “I guess things are just moving a little fast for me. I got a little freaked out. When I realized I’d stayed the night and you were making me breakfast in bed, and the way you treated me the night before… it was like you’re already my girlfriend.”

  He totally said the g-word. I was speechless.

  “Okay,” I said as I waited for him to continue.

  “We’re not there yet,” he said. “Obviously.”

  On the inside, my ego deflated a bit. I thought we were almost there if not there already. I hadn’t even thought about dating another guy. It made me wonder if we weren’t exclusive after all. I couldn’t help but wonder if he’d been on any other dates since we’d first started dating.

  “I just want to take things slow,” he said. He reached over and cupped his hand over mine on the table. “I think you
’re really cool, and I want to do this right.”

  “I thought we were going pretty slow,” I replied as I yanked my hand out from under his. “You send a lot of mixed messages.”

  “I know, I know,” he agreed. “I need to work on that. I’ve always rushed everything before and nothing’s ever worked out. I’m trying to do better this time.”

  It was an honorable statement, and I had to believe him. I had to give him the benefit of the doubt. I’d only known him a short while, but he seemed like a guy worth putting up with until I could get him figured out.

  A young woman brought us our meals and we began to eat. I ordered a tomato basil soup and half an Italian club.

  “Look, Kevin,” I said between bites. “I just want you to know that I’m having fun with you, and I have zero assumptions and expectations as to where this is going or what we are.”

  He looked relieved as a smile spread across his lips. He looked so damn sexy when he chewed his food. The way his dimples would flash when he chewed too hard and the way his full lips stayed perfectly pressed together.

  “Want to come over this Friday?” he said. “We could hang out at my place. Something low-key?”

  For a guy who wanted to take things slow, he was sure all about spending time with me on a regular basis.

  “Sounds good to me,” I said with a grin.

  “All righty,” he said with a nod. “Just plan on coming over at seven.”

  We ate the rest of our meal, mostly in silence, and he ended up walking me back to my office since it was just right up the street.

  It was another unusually gorgeous February day, right on the cusp of March, and there were plenty of birds chirping and little green buds on the trees that lined the busy street. We were definitely having an early spring.

  “I’ll see you Friday,” he said as we stopped outside my building. He leaned in and gave me another peck on the lips. I so wished he’d give me a real kiss. A kiss with even an ounce of passion behind it would’ve been better than those piddly little pecks I kept getting.

  CHAPTER 15

  By promptly seven o’clock on Friday night, I was standing at Kevin’s apartment door dressed in black leggings and a cream tunic, hair curled and lipstick intact. I’d been looking forward to our date ever since he asked me.

  The door swung open and Kevin stood before me. He was still dressed in his slacks and button down from work, but I could smell something cooking behind him. A navy blue apron covered his clothes as he held a slotted spoon in his hand.

  “Come in,” he said with a smile.

  “Smells amazing in here,” I replied as I took a big whiff. “Did you make dinner?”

  The apartment was a little dim, and soon my eyes were drawn to his dining room table. It was set with dinner plates and wine goblets and lit up by the flames of a few tall, white candles in the center piece.

  “Wow, Kevin,” I said as I walked over to it. “Is this for us? For tonight?”

  “Yep,” he said as he rushed back to the kitchen to tend to a beeping timer.

  “Anything I can do to help you?” I asked while I lingered in the doorway.

  He stirred a few pots on the stove before pulling some hunk of meat out of the oven, sprinkling it with some seasonings, basting it, and putting it back in.

  “No, no,” he insisted. “Go have a seat in the dining room. I’ll be out in a bit.”

  I shuffled over to the dining room and took a seat, staring at the gorgeous glow given off by the flickering candles. The food smelled amazing and I was growing hungrier by the second.

  A few minutes later, he emerged with two plates full of what looked like roasted chicken and root vegetables along with some sort of fancy-looking biscuit.

  “Wow,” I said as I took in the sights. It was nothing short of what you’d get at a five-star restaurant, presentation and everything.

  He beamed proudly as he pulled out my napkin and placed it in my lap for me. He took a seat across from me.

  “Bon appétit,” he said as he dug in.

  The candles in the centerpiece took up such a large area that I didn’t have a direct line of vision with him. We couldn’t make lovey-dovey faces or googly eyes with each other, but maybe that’s how he wanted it. I could never be sure with him.

  It was nice to have a man go to such lengths for me again. It was nice to have someone do something this thoughtful and special for no reason at all. This meant more to me than any text message or flower ever could.

  “I’m so full,” I groaned as I took my last bite a little while later.

  “I hope you saved room for dessert,” he replied from across the table.

  “You made this big, elaborate dinner and you still had time to make dessert?” I laughed. “What are you, some sort of Martha Stewart protégé?”

  “Ha,” he laughed. He stood up and took both of our plates to the kitchen. “No. I stopped and picked up a pie on the way home from work.”

  “Well, you just had this all planned out, didn’t you?” I called out from my seat. I could hear him scraping the dishes and loading them into his dishwasher. I really wanted to help him clean up, but I knew he’d refuse.

  “I got chocolate silk pie,” he called back. “Is that okay? Do you like chocolate?”

  “Um, that’s like asking me if I like to breathe,” I replied.

  I was tired of shouting from across the apartment, so I stood up and made my way to the kitchen where he was grabbing small plates and a pie cutter.

  “Can we maybe go for a walk first?” I said. “Because I really, really want a piece of pie, but there’s literally no room in there right now.”

  I patted my belly and pooched it out a bit.

  He laughed. “Sure.”

  He placed the pie back in the refrigerator and followed me to the front door. Luckily I had decided to wear flats that night, and they were comfortable flats at that. They’d be just fine for a nice, leisurely stroll around the neighborhood. I’d already put my feet through enough torture the past couple weekends.

  Already a few days into March, things were really starting to warm up. We didn’t even need jackets. We walked side by side down the street together, discussing our weeks and talking about how good dinner was. Kevin confessed that it was the first time he’d made roast chicken, but his mom had coached him through it over the phone.

  “That is the sweetest thing ever,” I said as I batted his arm. “Thanks for doing that. It was a lovely dinner.”

  He grinned proudly as his dimples caught my eye once again. God, he had the most amazing dimples.

  “I think I’ve got room for that pie now,” I said a half hour into our walk. “Shall we head back?”

  We made our way back towards his place and climbed the stairs to the building. The moment we set foot inside, a giggling noise echoed through the wide halls and down the corridor.

  We climbed another set of stairs to get to his door, both stopping in our tracks the moment we saw Ayla and Antoine getting frisky outside of her apartment door. His hands were traveling up and down every inch of her body as she giggled and kissed his neck and ear.

  I glanced over at Kevin who seemed mesmerized, frozen once again in her presence. He didn’t look happy, that much I could tell.

  “Ahem,” Kevin said loudly. He was totally trying to make them stop.

  Ayla whipped around, her brown hair falling over her shoulders in slow motion, and slowly stepped back from Antoine. Antoine’s hand still lingered on her hip. He looked annoyed at the interruption.

  I couldn’t believe Kevin had done that. I would’ve been fine just ignoring them and hurrying into the refuge of his apartment. They never would’ve even seen us. It would’ve been fine. I thought we were having such a lovely night, too.

  Kevin slipped his hands around my waist, pulling me closer to him. It was the first time he’d really touched me all night. Now he was acting like we were a couple or something. Were we? I was so confused.

  “Ayla, Antoin
e,” Kevin said as he stood next to me. He slipped his hands all the way around my waist, locking them together.

  “We were just on our way,” Ayla said. “Come on, Antoine.”

  Ayla grabbed Antoine by the hand. He didn’t even look at me. Not even once. They left the building in a hurry, practically running down the steps, and within seconds they were out of sight.